Dad posts hilariously absurd ad to sell his family's minivan
"I’ll take offers, low ball away, but know that banter is going to be epic! Also, know the agreed upon price will have to end in a 3, 7 or 9. Superstitions," Fellows warns.
Jenny Brown

When you think of a minivan…what lifestyle comes to mind?

When Fellows sees a minivan, he doesn’t see a metal monument to suburban parental life.

He sees a “Milf Millenium Falcon” or a “rolling man cave/stabbin’ cabin.”

At least that’s the pitch he’s giving to try and sell his 2010 Honda Odyssey.

His profanity and hilarity filled post was shared on Facebook where it went viral with more than 5,600 shares.

The post starts with proclaiming that his car has “all the shit to make your life an effing breeze, and you, a better person.”

Patrick Fellows
Patrick Fellows

Who knew a car could do all that?

Then he sets up a dream scenario for parents who often struggle through a parking lot to carry their groceries and children while fumbling for keys and trying not to get mugged.

With this car, all you have to do is toss all of that into the air and all will be settled.

“Throw all that shit into the air, the purse lands on the passenger seat, the kid lands strapped in, the groceries all hang by the handles on the fancy little hooks, and you flip your beautiful hair around like an 80’s Prell commercial, while, ‘RUN THE WORLD’ by Beyonce magically starts playing, loud, with authority,” Fellows explains.

If that wasn’t good enough the car is in “OK TO GREAT” shape.

Meaning that: “The leather smooth and the driver’s seat doesn’t look like a long haul trucker has been smashing his sweaty ass on it for thousands of miles.”

No one wants a smashed sweaty ass seat.

And this minivan isn’t just a sweet ride for moms.

Dads and single bros can get in on this sexy action too.

It’s got amenities galore for the dudes.

“Men, don’t feel left out here. You too can sack up and buy yourself a rolling man cave/stabbin cabin, replete with plugs in the back to charge the batteries for your drills and what not. A fully functional DVD w/ two sets of headphones, means you can watch Gladiator or Caddyshack or whatever the eff on your next trip to Disney,” Fellows explains.

This minivan has actually already been to Disney… twice. And it drove like a dream every time. And with minimal effort or direction.

“I just pointed her in the right direction and BLAMMO, Happiest Place on Earth, here we come!” Fellows said.

Fellows is tired of the fact that minivans get a bad rap and he wants to set the record straight.

“Minivans are the new F-150’s so get with the game, losers (I say this affectionately).”

Fellows also has his prized vehicle priced fairly.

“I included one of those Kelly Blue Book estimates in these pics so you can see I am pricing her fair and accurate, unlike FOX News!! HIYO!! I kid, I kid,” Fellows joked.

He is asking for under $10,000 for the minivan which has about 114,000 miles on it.

He will take the best offer he can get, but he’s not going to get got either.

“I’ll take offers, low ball away, but know that banter is going to be epic! Also, know the agreed upon price will have to end in a 3, 7 or 9. Superstitions,” Fellows warns.

Boy, would I love to see some of the text messages he gets! You can check out the original post below.

See Patrick’s full Facebook post below. The comments are too funny!

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By Jenny Brown
Jenny Brown is a senior writer at Shareably. She is based in San Francisco and can be reached at hi@shareably.net.